Note - 6

I think in November 1999 I was strong enough even if that mind - body disconnection shock had again struck me. And anyway at the age of 30 I thought my life is over.  Years of excessive stress,  loneliness had pushed me in total depression. I was unmarried  (and still I am), so I had nothing to lose.

So I dared again to look into that "darkness" i.e origin of Universe, life etc. People thought that I suddenly towards physics or science. No, it was my attempt to figure out what exactly had resulted in mind - body disconnection shock. I knew that scientists don't get power to change constitutions of countries and most of them don't even get money and certainly scientists don't become famous like filmstars. So all the elements which I had wanted were absconding in this field.  My aim was just to figure out what exactly had resulted in that mind - body disconnection shock.  As no word exist in dictionary,  I have to say that I am working on physics or science theory.  In reality, this job was personal - to find answers to some questions.

So No, I didn't suddenly turn towards physics at age of 30. At the age of 18 I stood in that  "darkness", got life - threatening shock and I simply ran away.  Now again at the age of 30 - when I thought my life is over - I just dared to stand in that  "darkness" and stared deep into that darkness without blinking eyes. So even now I am not doing any Physics or Science.

And as I stood and still standing staring  into that darkness, HE woke up

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