Note - 8

God - You just said that you have gone through unbearable pains in whole life.  What pains? In your whole 49 year long life not a single time you were admitted in hospital,  not even for hour. In whole 49 year long life not a single time any doctor came to your doorstep because you were never so ill. Even now you don't have any physical disease, though you have wished many times some serious disease like cancer so that you can give that reason to commit suicide. In fact twice doctors has told you that you have malaria and typhoid. You didn't bother to take even single pill they had prescribed.  You are still alive. In contrary it's true that I have done these things with all the members of your family.  I have admitted them in hospital,  called doctors at home,  have given them this or that disease. But not to you.

What pains you are talking about?

Me - I mean psychological pains, you dumbf*** stupid.  Migraine...

God - Migraine is not physical disease.  No doctor knows its source.

Me - You have forced me to go to doctors hundreds of times for things like migraine, common cold and this slight temperature, depression restlessness always exist.  Also you had pushed me in sleeping pills addiction and at least five years of my life got wasted in that black hole. You never allowed any woman to come close to me.

And  worst thing - you have very tactically made me absolutely ALONE just like you. I guess you have constructed this Drama so that I can feel your pains.

God - It was your decision to remain unmarried, feel awkward and then stay away from people so that you can concentrate on this job.

Me - If you untie my hands,  you know I will slap you for this lie. Yes, at that time I thought it is my decision. But now I know absolutely everything in my brain and in brains of all living creatures it's you in the back seat making us believe that we are in command of our lives whereas it is YOU who is taking every decision.

Listen,  at this moment I am in little comfortable position. But tomorrow or day after tomorrow I am just going to kill myself.  I have already violated my self - respect believing that you want to see state of this world through my eyes. But I am not going to violate my  self -respect anymore.  I am not going to ask any kind of help to any person - be it food, money or anything.  I am not going to beg, borrow or steal. Trying to save this life is laughable thing. I always hated this damn creation of you. So much dirt on this earth and in this dirty world you are playing action - reaction,  good - evil drama just to keep your mind away from state of loneliness and depression.

You should grow up.

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